This is a true story, this is how mom come to know about my transsexuality.
It is 1969 and I am living with my mom in Sweden.
Summer was going down the drain it had rained almost every other day and my ten-week summer holiday was soon coming to an end.
Like so many other mornings I took my bike and rode to the beach not far from the village where I lived.
There I used to stay in one of the old changing huts reading a book or magazine or to just be alone.
To my mom I used to say that I was going to be with a friend and that I would be home in time for supper.
But the truth was I had no friends and wanted no one.
I wanted to be alone because I needed to come to terms with myself and my desire to be a girl instead of a boy.
For many years I had felt this longing of being a girl.
It had made me do things that had made my classmates rather suspicious of me and they had begun teasing me,
calling me all sorts of names including sissy.
Even my mom had started to ask me questions like;
why had I not cut my hair like she had told me to a million times, was it because I wanted to have my hair to look like a girl,
and was it me that had been in her wardrobe?
I denied those accusations strongly and promised to have my hair cut but I just couldn’t bring myself to go to the barber.
I wanted to have curls in my hair like Madelene, the most beautiful girl in my class, the whole school even.
I so envied of her and all the other girls.
It made my heartache that I was not like them but I rather plain boy that no one liked.
It was drizzling then I reached the beach and I quickly locked and hid my bike in the usual place so that no one would see that there was anyone there.
I had with me some food, drink and a book that I had tried to read for a whole week now.
I went to my usual cabin, the one that stood apart from the others.
The door had no lock on the outside but had a hasp on the inside.
The cabin itself was about three foot six square and had a bench on the far side.
A small window let in some light but I also had a candle and matches hidden under a loose floorboard.
I saw it immediately I opened the door.
Hanging on one of the pegs was a bikini that someone had forgotten.
I looked up and down the beach to try and see if there were someone else.
But the beach was completely deserted so I quickly sneaked inside and locked the door.
With shaking hands and a hammering heart, I took the bikini from the peg.
It was pink with black polka dots and had clasps that looked like brass at the sides of the panty and at the back of the bra.
From the look of it, it must have been quite expensive.
It was dry and in size 40 the same size mom took.
That I knew from my visits to her closet.
In other words a bit too large for me but even so I just had to try it on.
After another quick look to see if there were anybody else in the vicinity I closed and locked the door then started to undress.
Telling me this was too good to be true I put on the bikini, starting with the panty.
It was then I was hooking it up that I saw that it could be adjusted in quite a simple manner by pulling on the side straps.
With the panty now on and adjusted, I turned to the bra,
it took me quite a while to get the back clasps to connect.
I then adjusted the shoulder straps like I had seen mom do ever so often.
This was only the third or perhaps fourth time I wore a bra. It felt so good, so right.
It would have been a lie to say that I was not excited but it was no longer like the first time I wore women’s clothing some two years ago.
This time it was more like a confirmation of my true self.
I wished there had been a mirror so I could have taken a good look at myself.
Looking down at my chest I saw that the bra cups although made with some sort of stiffener underneath still looked rather empty,
this was quickly solved by rolling up my socks, one in each cup.
To this day I still do not know what drove me to leave the cabin.
It had stopped raining and it looked like there might even be a bit of sunshine.
The beach was still empty so I decided to take a quick dip in the sea.
The water wasn’t exactly warm but not too cold either.
When I got out of the water I realized that I had no towel to dry myself with.
This was not a great problem since now the sun had finally broken through the clouds and the temperature was quickly rising.
Becoming rather bold I decided to take a stroll along the still deserted beach.
I should have known it was a bad idea but I just had to do it and I walked too far and therefore missed hearing the first car.
When I finally returned the beach wasn’t exactly full of people but there were far too many to make it possible for me to get back into the cabin unseen.
All I could do was to hide behind some bushes and hope that no one stole my clothes in the meantime and that it would soon be possible for me to get to the cabin.
Time dragged on and on and on and still more people come to the beach.
The sun now shone from an almost cloudless sky.
Several times I feared I might get spotted, especially then two of my classmates suddenly come running by but luckily they there too busy chasing each other to see me there I was hiding.
Yes, I told myself it had been too good to be true.
Now I was almost certain to be found out and the ridiculing would never stop.
I cursed myself;
I shouldn’t have left the cabin, I ought to have known this could happen.
It was very late in the evening then I finally dared to live my hiding place and make a quick desperate dash to the cabin.
All my clothes were still there so I changed into them in a hurry.
My heart was pounding like mad in my chest.
The bikini was completely dry by now so I decided to bring it with me.
It was such a good find that I just couldn’t give it up any matter what.
My greatest worry by now was what to tell mom. I
should have been home hours ago.
Just as I had expected mom was beside herself from worrying over what could have happened to me.
When I got home and found her in the kitchen.
I told her the story I had rehearsed on my way back that I and my pal had been too carried away building a raft that we had totally forgotten about time.
Mom told me that she had been in contact with all of my mates
they had all told her that I had not been with them for ages. So where had I been?
I quickly realized that I had to give her a story that was as close to the truth as I could without telling her the truth.
So I told her that I had been alone at the beach to think about things like school and some of the things that some of my classmates had done to me
They thought I was a sissy and then I had fallen asleep by the warmth of the sun and that I had only awoken then it had gotten colder.
Mom was still skeptical but I stuck to my new story.
After I had eaten my now completely dry supper mom sent me to bed
She informed me that we would have to talk more about this tomorrow.
I went upstairs and into my room with the bikini still hidden in my jeans jacket.
I quickly undressed and went to the bathroom to take my usual shower before bed.
I heard mom come upstairs but thought nothing of it.
Suddenly mom burst into the bathroom, the bikini in her hand.
Demanding to know what it was doing in my jeans jacket.
Chocked by the sudden change in the events I desperately stammered something that I had found it on the ground.
Before I had finished mom yanked me out of the shower and pointed to my chest.
“ You wore it. She screamed and slapped me in my face with the bikini.
I screamed; No but mom just turned me around so I could see myself in the bathroom mirror.
The truth was plain to see, my chest and hips bore the distinct outline of the bikini.
I had simply been too long in the summer sun.
That night I told mom between sobs and streams of tears of my transsexuality although I didn’t have that word at the time.
Mom took me to several doctors in the vain hope they could cure me
However, instead, they all told her and me there is no cure,
They went on to tell her to make the best you can of the situation.
This wassomething mom found very hard to accept.
